Modern Times · Reality

I Hate Marketers!

And Why You Should …

Coming home on the train one day, I sat in a free seat across from a fit and very well dressed young man. I started chatting with him as is polite here in Holland. This isn’t so unusual, as I’m the outgoing sort of type. Anyway, people tend to relax around me. On asking him what his work was, he cowers from me as if he were about to be beaten up. Now since I’m fifty and female, the chance of that happening is pretty slim. But there you go, cower he did.

Now you see, had he been a surgeon, he’d have told me about his specialty and how he helps people. A librarian would have calmly mentioned that they worked in the town library. Even a bureaucrat has some self respect, and prefers that he should be well thought of and will tell you about what they do. So everyone has something that they can in some way be proud of. And then it struck me. There’s one profession that hasn’t. I took a risk…

“You’re a marketer, aren’t you?” I ask.

On hearing this he relaxes a little and tortoise-like, his head pokes out from under his shell. A few minutes later it turns out that he’s on his way back to Amsterdam airport, because he works in London with a large corporation in a very well paid job. He spends his day chewing marketing data. Only he finds it difficult to form any connection between all that and real people. The kind that walk past the office twenty storeys below.

None of this surprised me. If you’re stuck behind a desk in a warm office, it’s pretty easy to forget that it’s raining outside. Let alone what those figures on your desk really mean. All you have to do is crunch ’em and write a report. The point is that marketers just can’t pull the ends together in the way that say, a surgeon can. A surgeon has successes and failures, knows that his work means that people can walk around and lead a happier life. For most marketers, it’s a problem. There’s nothing to show for their work!

The Alternative?

So what can you do? In the face of someone who has excellent credentials yet gives you the creeps. And you guessed it, I’ve met him too. I get around a bit for a greying lady, plus I’m not shy.

So you’ve got the kind of marketer who tells you that he’s the Director of an International Company. Only he’s self-employed with a small office in downtown Houston. Mind you, he still earns big money. In contrast, my living room serves me well enough as office space and I just gets on with it. Sure, I charge for it, but you’re not being charged for flummery.

The point is that a direct marketer – which is what I am – will provide you with genuine and incontrovertible evidence of the effect of your marketing campaigns. That is to say, I get results, and I get them by testing your market. I know how to test, and I can find out where it’s getting the best results too. That is to say, where your marketing will make you the most money. (1)


(1) I was. This service is no longer available. There are too many who simply want to piss on their customers tell the world what they want it to hear.


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